Many of us men have bad days “in our own heads,” overthinking and analyzing less-than-ideal situations regarding money, romance and other matters.
We muddle through head-pounding self-induced negativity, bordering on despair, which aspirin and other over-the-counter drugs won’t help. Spousal and relationship harmony are challenges, and even close friends are kept at a standoffish distance.
Escapist behavior is common, like driving aimlessly on rural open roads during a cruise north from Montgomery County through the wide-open fields of points north in Frederick and Washington counties into the Maryland Panhandle. Or we obsessively follow sports — say, watching back-to-back-to-back NFL games on a fall Sunday after having previously expressed little interest in professional football.
The good news is that for many, even most, men suffering through these downward spiral feelings, they’re relatively fleeting. We can move past our troubles after a few hours or, at most a day or two, and then return to loving family lives and healthy friendships without having caused much lasting damage.
Yet for men with depression — about six million in the U.S. per the Bethesda-based National Institute of Mental Health — these negative behaviors are a feature, not a bug of their daily lives.
It’s an affliction that can last for days or weeks and, needless to say, imposes long-term damage on their family relationships and friendship or even lead to physical self-damage.
As both a brain disorder and state of mind, depression affects the genders in different ways. It’s more common for females to have it, per the Anxiety & Depression Association of America, based in Silver Spring.
“In women, depression tends to manifest as sadness, worthlessness and guilt,” according to ADAA. “In men, it manifests often as tiredness, irritability and anger. They may show more reckless behavior and abuse drugs and alcohol. They also tend to not recognize that they are depressed and fail to seek help.”
The social stigma for some men around admitting to any mental health challenges, and the smaller number of depression cases compared to women, means there’s less attention paid to their conditions.
That’s only now starting to change. That’s due, in part, to broader societal acceptance that mental health is an issue to be taken seriously with equal urgency as physical ailments, a hard-earned lesson from the lockdowns and cloistered home environments of the pandemic.
“Because men who are depressed may appear to be angry or aggressive instead of sad, their families, friends and even their doctors may not always recognize the anger or aggression as depression symptoms,” the NIMH website notes.
“In addition, men are less likely than women to recognize, talk about and seek treatment for depression,” adds the website of NIMH, the federal government research institute with a gleaming modern office building that’s a familiar sight to pedestrians along Rockville Pike and Battery Lane in Bethesda.
Men’s depression and other mental health challenges are often deeply rooted in brain chemistry and chemical imbalances. A relatively recent report on health trends in Montgomery County found that depression is a top mental health condition in Maryland’s most populous county.
“Health Survey in Montgomery County, MD 2022” — a mail-in survey partnership between the Department of Health and Human Services and Rockville-based research, data collection and analysis company Westat — found mental health (18.3%) was the most important health problem in the county. (Sub-data from the survey showed depression was a top concern beyond mental health generally.)
There are plenty of resources locally to meet such mental health of all types, particularly for men who have not been eager to admit they’ve in a depressive state and now realize help is needed.
Choices include Columbia Associates (North Bethesda along with an office in Prince George’s County and several in Virginia), Daniel Jonathan Psychotherapy (Bethesda and Annapolis) and Yury R. Delgado (Rockville) who offers counseling for depression and other mental health issues in English and Spanish.
In the public realm, Montgomery County offers an always-open crisis center through its Department of Health and Human Services.
“The Crisis Center provides free crisis services 24 hours a day/ 365 days a year,” notes its website. “Services are provided by telephone (240-777-4000) or in person at 1301 Piccard Drive in Rockville (no appointment needed).”
Beyond seeking professional help, there’s plenty that men with depression, or depressive symptoms, can do on a daily basis to mitigate the pain.
Washington, D.C.-based Indigo Integrative Health Clinic near the Georgetown waterfront offers the suggestion to “get cuddly,” adding, “Hugs, a gentle hand on the back and other non-sexual touch reduces stress, heart rate and blood pressure.
It also increases the ‘affection hormone,’ oxytocin, which plays a role in our desire for social and romantic bonding. Platonic touch is necessary for emotional well-being for men and women.”
Another suggestion by the mental health organization is walking a dog.
“You’ve heard the expression, ‘A dog is a man’s best friend’? The company of dogs can help ease stress and depression. Don’t have your own dog? Volunteer to walk dogs for animal rescue groups.”
